Monday, February 8, 2010

The Perfect Suicide ?...

I am 26 years old ... gosh, even as I write my age I realize what a terrible tragedy this is going to be. Wasted Potential, shameless ungratefulness when there are so many that aren't as fortunate as I have been despite the present circumstances. How did I get to this point, where did I fail? I have a great family that loves me more than I can imagine, and I love them. I have a beautiful girlfriend that I love dearly and have been living together with for the past 5 years this super-bowl. Whom has aspirations of becoming married and drops subtle hints every time she sees a beautiful diamond ring. Two wonderful dogs - fawn boxer and red-nose albino pit bull. And I, a young entrepreneur behind a potential multi-million dollar startup company that remains successful yet is trying desperately to survive because I can't seem to get my shit together. I feel isolated and defeated. But I do not write with hopes of drawing attention or because of some pathetic plea for help. No, I am passed all of that. I am here because I want to plan the "Perfect Suicide" and would like your help.

My idea seems simple yet, we all know nothing ever is. So I would like to have you guys "Proofread" if you will to make sure there's nothing I have overlooked. I would like to make every drop of blood count so none is wasted in vain.

The Perfect Suicide:

I was riding my bike home one day to a new house we had moved into. And as you can imagine, while I was on the highway driving at high speeds (100+mph), I couldn't help but think how one simple mistake would end my life instantly. Literally, in a blink of an eye. As I drove down the long stretch of highway I started feeling an overwhelming sense of emotions urging me to go ahead and just end my life at that very moment! I thought to myself, if I tip the bike here I may not die and simply skid down the road. There was still a slight chance that I would not die but instead end up on life support with severe brain trauma which would only burden my family and cause unneeded suffering. I know that they will suffer either way but after having attended several funerals I know that time heals everything. So, as I went under an overpass I noticed that it was constructed with solid brick walls as the foundation to the side of the road. Crashing directly into one of these walls would be no different than jumping off of a multi-storied building without the vertigo. The only difference is that there is no other explanation except suicide when jumping from a building and being the entrepreneur that I am, I always look for a way to profit from every action I take, and suicide will not be an exception!

So I got myself together and thought, if I create what looks to have been an accident. Not only will it spare my parents from blaming themselves for my death. But I can figure out a way to cash out (for my parents at least) on this so called accident. Accidents equal two things; law suits and insurance payouts.

Heres where I need your help:
What if I take out several million in life insurance a year or so before I plan to follow through with this. And name my loved ones as sole beneficiaries. Will I be able to pull this off?

No one knows about my plans, but I am concerned that they will investigate the accident scene and not find a cause as to why I crashed and become suspicious. Faking a mechanical defect is sketchy and I am definitely not going to make that attempt.

The other option in mind is to get wasted on alcohol and drugs so that it shows on blood test. The problem is that everyone who knows me knows that I do not drink or do drugs so it may also cause some suspicion. I have abused alcohol in the past so hopefully they will think that I relapsed even though it has been more than 6 years. I will have a lawyer review the insurance
stipulations before I figure this out completely. I am sure many of you have ideas of your own that will also help greatly.

So, In conclusion I would like to say that what I am planning to do is a personal decision that I think I am entitled to. I know many of you will recommend that I seek treatment but I have already gone down that route many times and nothing has ever come from it. I am currently on anti-depression medication (Effexor XR) after having tried several other medications that also did not have any effect. For as long as I can remember I have always thought that the lack of control and undesired results I was experiencing in my life were due to some kind of weakness within me or some form of negative thought patterns I had adapted over the years. So foolishly I tried to overcome these obstacles on my own. Eventually I realized I was not producing positive results and finally decided to seek treatment as a last option. I don't know what is wrong with me but I know that life is not worth living if you are not productive and contributing in a positive way to society. I have many hopes and dreams especially with becoming successful enough to set a good example and work on and develop programs for our youth to help them realize their full potential. But I can not help anyone if I cannot help myself. I guess that after all the sorrow and depression I have created and experienced in my life nothing would make me happier than to help a child or young adult reach his/her dreams. This has always been my goal and it kills me to have to come to this, but somethings are just meant to be and I am not an exception. I'm sure there were many people with good intentions during the holocaust and genocides and they were not spared, what makes me so special. This great country we live in is the only thing that shields us from the cruelty and reality of life like rich kids miles away from the poverty they will never truly understand.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your educated comments.