My idea seems simple yet, we all know nothing ever is. So I would like to have you guys "Proofread" if you will to make sure there's nothing I have overlooked. I would like to make every drop of blood count so none is wasted in vain.
The Perfect Suicide:
I was riding my bike home one day to a new house we had moved into. And as you can imagine, while I was on the highway driving at high speeds (100+mph), I couldn't help but think how one simple mistake would end my life instantly. Literally, in a blink of an eye. As I drove down the long stretch of highway I started feeling an overwhelming sense of emotions urging me to go ahead and just end my life at that very moment! I thought to myself, if I tip the bike here I may not die and simply skid down the road. There was still a slight chance that I would not die but instead end up on life support with severe brain trauma which would only burden my family and cause unneeded suffering. I know that they will suffer either way but after having attended several funerals I know that time heals everything. So, as I went under an overpass I noticed that it was constructed with solid brick walls as the foundation to the side of the road. Crashing directly into one of these walls would be no different than jumping off of a multi-storied building without the vertigo. The only difference is that there is no other explanation except suicide when jumping from a building and being the entrepreneur that I am, I always look for a way to profit from every action I take, and suicide will not be an exception!
So I got myself together and thought, if I create what looks to have been an accident. Not only will it spare my parents from blaming themselves for my death. But I can figure out a way to cash out (for my parents at least) on this so called accident. Accidents equal two things; law suits and insurance payouts.
Heres where I need your help:
What if I take out several million in life insurance a year or so before I plan to follow through with this. And name my loved ones as sole beneficiaries. Will I be able to pull this off?
No one knows about my plans, but I am concerned that they will investigate the accident scene and not find a cause as to why I crashed and become suspicious. Faking a mechanical defect is sketchy and I am definitely not going to make that attempt.
The other option in mind is to get wasted on alcohol and drugs so that it shows on blood test. The problem is that everyone who knows me knows that I do not drink or do drugs so it may also cause some suspicion. I have abused alcohol in the past so hopefully they will think that I relapsed even though it has been more than 6 years. I will have a lawyer review the insurance
stipulations before I figure this out completely. I am sure many of you have ideas of your own that will also help greatly.
So, In conclusion I would like to say that what I am planning to do is a personal decision that I think I am entitled to. I know many of you will recommend that I seek treatment but I have already gone down that route many times and nothing has ever come from it. I am currently on anti-depression medication (Effexor XR) after having tried several other medications that also did not have any effect. For as long as I can remember I have always thought that the lack of control and undesired results I was experiencing in my life were due to some kind of weakness within me or some form of negative thought patterns I had adapted over the years. So foolishly I tried to overcome these obstacles on my own. Eventually I realized I was not producing positive results and finally decided to seek treatment as a last option. I don't know what is wrong with me but I know that life is not worth living if you are not productive and contributing in a positive way to society. I have many hopes and dreams especially with becoming successful enough to set a good example and work on and develop programs for our youth to help them realize their full potential. But I can not help anyone if I cannot help myself. I guess that after all the sorrow and depression I have created and experienced in my life nothing would make me happier than to help a child or young adult reach his/her dreams. This has always been my goal and it kills me to have to come to this, but somethings are just meant to be and I am not an exception. I'm sure there were many people with good intentions during the holocaust and genocides and they were not spared, what makes me so special. This great country we live in is the only thing that shields us from the cruelty and reality of life like rich kids miles away from the poverty they will never truly understand.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your educated comments.
Dear Wasted Potential,
ReplyDeleteI can't thank you enough for having written this. Scrolling down the page and absorbing your words gave me and instantaneous and surprisingly deep connection with you. There are only a few (but irrelevant) distinctions between our stories currently, and hopefully by their respective ends, said distinctions will be outweighed by the commonality of means to said ends. You'll have to forgive me for my lack of input toward your current brainstorming (since that is seemingly the purpose of your blog)because at the time I'm far too excited to have found someone in such an intricately and beautifully identical situation as me. Let me describe my disposition to you whether or not it be of interest to see the similarities for yourself (I hope it is). For the past 4 or so years of my life, I've battled suicidal thoughts. For the past 4 or so months, I've embraced them. Like yours, my life is to any outward appearance, perfect. Pulling myself up by my own bootstraps throughout high school (one of twelve children with two very broke parents) I got straight A's while working multiple jobs, and at the conclusion of my senior year was granted more scholarship money than I know what to do with. I drive a dream car of adults twice my age and as a result of the combination of my intelligence and work ethic, I've been deemed to have limitless potential in any endeavor I pursue. None of this, as I'm sure you understand, constitutes inner happiness or peace. I fight bouts of crippling anxiety and debilitating feelings of despair on a daily basis without any apparent outward stimuli. I've chosen to avoid the path of "therapy" and endless pharmaceuticals simply based on the observation that it has no substantial merit. Even in the unlikely event that my current methods of self-medication magically produce results, the sheer fact that being in my place in life doesn't result in happiness is enough to send me plummeting over the edge again (proverbially and literally). If having the ideal life is the ultimate goal that we're all programmed to pursue isn't enough to stabilize my emotions in one, relatively steady stream of happy, then what on earth is there to look forward to and chase? Nothing. Nothing but the ridiculous pandemonium that is human life.
Here is my current plan of action (still under construction):
I have set a clock for approximately 3 years. Within that amount of time, I plan to experience as much as humanly possible in the way of interesting and supposedly fulfilling activities (with the exception of re-entering a serious romantic relationship and also reproducing). Once the 3 years is up, I will have completed my asset dispersion which follows: 1) my car and other valuable worldly possessions go to my beloved younger sister 2) any remaining items such as clothes etc will be donated to charitable thrift stores and finally 3) all of my remaining funds will be placed into a special interest-bearing account due to be donated to Planned Parenthood once the amount hits $100,000.000.
I plan to go quietly and painlessly without a splash, and this is strictly out of consideration for the potential collateral damage it could cause in the way of killing others (if you crashed your motorcycle on the road, someone might crash their car because of the distraction). My method will most likely be to get extremely high/drunk until I pass out in a small garage and quietly die from CO2 gas (from running car) poisoning.
I've never been more sure or confident about my decision to complete my life in this manner. I wrote a small diary entry recently to the effect of the following:
"The thing has been chasing me all of my life, and I’ve been slippery enough to evade it for this long but I think that now it’s closing in. This time I will embrace it as an old friend, a comrade who only seeks to help me end this travesty of contradiction that is my life. I have my vice, all that’s missing is the means to the ultimate end. Soon… sooner than ever, the time is drawing ever closer and it will finally be complete. I feel it stronger than ever now, and this is the one time in my life where feelings seem to coincide with an almost tangibly obvious fact: my existence is nothing but a coincidence of misfortune and matter. The abstract and physical conspiring together for the common purpose of creating Misery in disproportionate juxtaposition to unreachable Bliss. It’s beautifully apparent now, the purpose in purposelessness. I’ll demonstrate what it’s really like to have and have not at the same time. It’s the only way. I need to make it perfect, perfect and painfully obvious to everyone. My condition isn’t weak, it’s the indecision that is weakness, but I’ll extinguish it just as easily as I will the life that it's attached to."
ReplyDeleteThis may or may not resonate with you, but I hope it does in some small way.
Cheers
A
hy guys, i too feel like committin suicide at times, infact dats y am viewin dis right nw. I felt d connection wif u guys. U know, it gets to d point wer u just feel like nofin matters any more, wer u dnt matter to any1 any more... Der comes a time wen u just feel like endin dis is d best solution. I dentify wif u, i really do. But somefin just came to my mind and i wanted to share. And dat is, 'YOU WLDNT KNOW HW D STORY WOULD END'.. Think about it again... Just see d end of ur story, dnt create one.. It is worth seeing. I LOVE YOU GUYS and i really wish w are still in d same world as i speak.
ReplyDeleteHello. In what country do you live in? I will tell you where I live how it's like and then you'll tell me if you still wanna commit suicide. Then in my country probably 70% of us should commit suicide.
ReplyDeletei do feel the same way with you guys. i tried to end my life for four times. i take 50 different high dosage medicines of my mother who have heart problem, i drink concentrated rat poison, overdosed my self with 40 tablets of paracetamol with 500mg dosage each, and lastly i already cut my pulse in my left hand 3 times in the same cut and lost a liter of my blood. all do not succeed, the last one is the most effective but my mother have caught me doing it when she saw a lot of blood from outside the bathroom. my problem is just simple, "money". but the consequence of that money is my family's life.
ReplyDeletenow here's the story. my friend (before it happened) hand me a money amounting to $4000. he did not deposited it in the bank but instead he gave it to me and said to get it back when he need it. because im a friend, i said yes to him. but unfortunately i lost that money. i did not spent it, i lost it. if i will tell the story how i lost it, maybe youll just laugh at me. he said that if i will not able to return the same amount after 6 months, he and his fraternity will kill my mother and two younger sisters. i am not one of their fraternity and does not belong to any other else. i am just 19 years old college student. i tried to look for help to the people whom i know can help me but they just ignored me. ive proven that people are really selfish. i also tried look for a job but no one hires me because i am undergraduate and because of my height. i committed suicide for them to stop threatening me and my family. i love my family, they're all i have. we are poor but happy and now these problem arise. i dont want them to be get involve to this problem i made.
right now i am planning my fifth attempt of suicidal which is to hang my self in a rope. but now i am seeking help from anyone who is much fortunate than i, to help me with this problem. i will thank you all the days of my life for helping me.
thanks for reading and hope someone will help me as soon as i still in this world. i used my gmail in this post so you can contact me. help me please. somebody save me and my family!!
My perfect suicide plan is go to the top of a mountain and take a bunch off pills. The best ones would be blood pressure meds they stop your heart. After like 15 minutes your gone. There is no way they could get you in time. Make sure it's a mountain that has no roads to get to you
ReplyDeleteMy perfect suicide plan is to get to the top of a mountain and take a bunch of pills. The blood pressure pills are the best they stop your heart. Then after 15 minutes your gone they can't bring you back. Make sure it's a mountain that has no roads to get to you.
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ReplyDelete